The light at the end is really blinding... It's taking an eternity to reach
The days passed really slowly. I can understand why. Taking each day at a time with endless reveling and ranting is taxing within. I keep scratching my scalp, wanting out all the time, but yet everything are hurdles set upfront to delay me.
Hurdles which are but only by choice they are there. No matter how much i choose not to accept the fact that these obstructions, these blockage, are there automatically to deny me entry, i can't escape from the whole truth that i'm only to blame to have constructed them there.
Only probably because i treasure the moment spent, the effort harbored, the complexity and also the simplicity of it all, and mainly the curiosity that is still thumbing in my head until now. I miss you... so much that i detest being myself for the very first time.
It scares me that i know too much on what's to be done and why i have to take this detour. Knowing for certain, with that, no one can ever help me but only pat their hands on my back chanting that it's going to be ok. I'm so sure i bypassed too many controversial barriers to have landed myself here.
Drastic measures had to be taken but yet i don't have the heart nor the strength to follow through with it. For i know how much is at stake if i did. I could loose everything i had, everything that meant something to me, no wait... something that meant everything to me. But... the stakes are even higher if i didnt. No two way about it although how much i tried to work around the truth.
My system inside is trying it's very best to be tweaked back to it's best state like before. Working over time till i'm filled with nothing but exhaustion. Yet i persist, i persevere and i strive, with sweat running down constantly, with my legs giving way, with every breath i take, to get myself to the lighting. Why? For i know there's going to be a day, where i'll get to the promised land...
Hurdles which are but only by choice they are there. No matter how much i choose not to accept the fact that these obstructions, these blockage, are there automatically to deny me entry, i can't escape from the whole truth that i'm only to blame to have constructed them there.
Only probably because i treasure the moment spent, the effort harbored, the complexity and also the simplicity of it all, and mainly the curiosity that is still thumbing in my head until now. I miss you... so much that i detest being myself for the very first time.
It scares me that i know too much on what's to be done and why i have to take this detour. Knowing for certain, with that, no one can ever help me but only pat their hands on my back chanting that it's going to be ok. I'm so sure i bypassed too many controversial barriers to have landed myself here.
Drastic measures had to be taken but yet i don't have the heart nor the strength to follow through with it. For i know how much is at stake if i did. I could loose everything i had, everything that meant something to me, no wait... something that meant everything to me. But... the stakes are even higher if i didnt. No two way about it although how much i tried to work around the truth.
My system inside is trying it's very best to be tweaked back to it's best state like before. Working over time till i'm filled with nothing but exhaustion. Yet i persist, i persevere and i strive, with sweat running down constantly, with my legs giving way, with every breath i take, to get myself to the lighting. Why? For i know there's going to be a day, where i'll get to the promised land...
