Realization is something which i have never wanted to endure...
As time floated by, i came to realize things which i was, not oblivious of, instead aware of from the start but couldn't see cause of obvious circumstances. Darkness filled my very sight as of late as i tried my very best to look pass through things which i never wished to see.
It's hurtful that i could let myself stoop so low for something yet reassuring that i've finally found revelation and that i could see the picture in full view. Probably it was time... that i got back most of myself in return. I needed everything back in full in order for me to move on.
Reminiscing back really revives the scar which was left there to rot... but... never again would it ever hurt me to that extent again...ever. I thought i could actually bring myself into the path of commitment which was and still believed by most as THE way.
No doubt my respect goes to those who can actually hold up to their end of their bargain on maintaining a long relationship. Call me a coward but i actually allowed myself to try and it fucking freaks the hell out of me. In time i probably could.... now it's just gonna be my tables.
Although things are really different now, and changes had to be made, yet things are flowing better then i expected them to be. I've been carried by tons (probably cause i'm fucking fat) countless amount of times. How unexpected and surprising it was when all this while i was being the one who tried endlessly to pick people up from down under who percentage-wise would call it depression.
Anyway i had a really disturbing dream last night and no matter how much i try, it just seems to be glued there for the time being. Fucking annoying i swear especially when it's something that i never wanted to imagine from the start. It was both amazing and traumatizing at the same time? Amazing cause no matter how much i didn't expect anything like it but it felt so right and good strangely. Traumatizing mainly cause it was something which i've thought before and how wrong it was from the start. Oh well dreams are fucked anyway and i couldn't care less bout it.
Can't believe i've typed this out while flying in my head. Spelling mistakes may be at it's lowest but grammar probably can die! Whatever it is it's time to fucking crash.
It's hurtful that i could let myself stoop so low for something yet reassuring that i've finally found revelation and that i could see the picture in full view. Probably it was time... that i got back most of myself in return. I needed everything back in full in order for me to move on.
Reminiscing back really revives the scar which was left there to rot... but... never again would it ever hurt me to that extent again...ever. I thought i could actually bring myself into the path of commitment which was and still believed by most as THE way.
No doubt my respect goes to those who can actually hold up to their end of their bargain on maintaining a long relationship. Call me a coward but i actually allowed myself to try and it fucking freaks the hell out of me. In time i probably could.... now it's just gonna be my tables.
Although things are really different now, and changes had to be made, yet things are flowing better then i expected them to be. I've been carried by tons (probably cause i'm fucking fat) countless amount of times. How unexpected and surprising it was when all this while i was being the one who tried endlessly to pick people up from down under who percentage-wise would call it depression.
Anyway i had a really disturbing dream last night and no matter how much i try, it just seems to be glued there for the time being. Fucking annoying i swear especially when it's something that i never wanted to imagine from the start. It was both amazing and traumatizing at the same time? Amazing cause no matter how much i didn't expect anything like it but it felt so right and good strangely. Traumatizing mainly cause it was something which i've thought before and how wrong it was from the start. Oh well dreams are fucked anyway and i couldn't care less bout it.
Can't believe i've typed this out while flying in my head. Spelling mistakes may be at it's lowest but grammar probably can die! Whatever it is it's time to fucking crash.
