I'll bring you back to the stars.

I had a dream this morning. It was incredible yet disturbing at the very same moment. We were the best of friends. I for one am a believer to the possibility of a male and a female having a really close non-intimate friendship. However, to my thinking, it would never have been possible between the both of us. Although yea, i have tried endless of time to shove aside whatever unnecessary sensation that would jeopardise the friendship, but in the end it'll just never work out.

It was really nice. We were hanging out, watching movies, clubbing, drinking, not smoking together though, taking pictures, etc. Nevertheless we had our own private lives which the both of us would never limit ourselves to. Our own priorities and responsibilities. You had your friends to care and to be cared for and so did i. You had your responsibility to follow through with your commitments as an attached girl and so did i. Nevertheless, whenever the both of us had conflicts with our other halfs we would meet up and just bitch all day long on what were we thinking getting ourselves so serious and involved from the start. We were never that physically close, but whenever we had the chance to just hang out, we'll have heaps of endless fun.

Then on one night, when we were strolling along the outside of a club, think it was either Zouk or Poppy (Could have sworn it posted a slight resemblance to 212 SHIT), when i finally realised that i was actually dreaming. Then it happened, i was back to myself just like in reality, instead i was still bounded in the dream. Things got all hay wired then and with some effort i forced myself to wake up from it all.... sloshed with sweat dripping down by cheeks, eventually down my neck. What a way to start a Tuesday morning.....

Why can someone be so intellingent
Yet they're willing to waste it all..
I can understand and accept

Why can someone be so receptive
Yet they can be so easy..
I can't understand and accept

Why can someone be so caring
Yet they can be so sellfish..
I can understand and accept

Why can someone be so independent
Yet they can change entirely over night..
I can't understand and accept

Why can someone be so perfect
Yet they can still doubt themselves..
I can understand and accept

Why can i be so patient
Yet i can just loose it..
I can't understand and accept

Why can i be so nice
Yet i can be so mean..
I can understand and accept

Why can someone be so short tempered
Yet they can give in at most..
I can't understand and accept

Why can most fall so instant
Yet it takes eternity to let go..
I can understand and accept

Why can something be so orgasmic
Yet it can be hurtful..
I can't understand and accept

Why can one person make you feel on top of the world
Yet they can take it all away in a blink..
I can understand and accept

Why can something which felt so right
Yet it ended up being so wrong..
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND AND I CAN'T ACCEPT

I crave for answers...I'm desperate for an escape...I need to breath...I seek for confirmation...I hunger to be free...I long for salvation which I can't recall now on how it tasted like...

It's been like forever when i allowed myself to undergo the journey which eventually would lead to nothingness. All the confusions, all the hassles, all the happiness, i experienced were nothing short of priceless to me. Throughout the time, i was actually trapped within my truth, knowing what could or couldn't have happened if everything were in the opened.

The ego was a problem, especially for someone such as myself. I was afraid of what people might have thought or said. Why? cause none but a selected few would have understood what was churning so badly in me. It took me a while to fully comprehend what it was which i felt, when i was sightless. Through the eyes of revelation i was disclosed a certain form of feeling which was certainly alienated to me as i lacked self esteem. Truly in me were endless cycles of negativity, knowing in obtaining such an asset would be near impossible.

But i still went through with everything. Was willing to play to win. I thought to myself that whatever the outcome would be in the end, i had nothing to loose but everything to gain. In reality i had everything to loose if things failed. So blinded i was till i allowed myself to drop so deep till i'm never sure if i could ever get myself back up again to surface. I can hardly breathe. Nevertheless i have no regrets, for it was certainly a journey which taught alot and knowledge was the only thing i had gain. Nothing else. The price u ask? Was loosing myself.

Temper.. such a simple word yet complicated and difficult to comprehend. I, personally am the kind of individual where i would never let frustration get the better of me. But there are times where limits are reached and i do not have total grasp on the situation were i have but no choice but to loose myself to disappointment and frustration.

To be molded with such patience and to be able to loose it after much retention, i can't say i'm too hyped out bout it. Frankly i detest myself to not being able to retaliate against such unnecesary behaviour. I'm sorry if i've ever been offending. Just that, there are times where i can't help but to loose myself to such weakness, which only proves i'm only human who can only provide near perfection instead of pure satisfaction.

Already i can see the signs, which to me is not a sight to truly behold but yet instead, feared. The thought of not being able to provide anything better, knowing i've already given my all, scares the hell out of me. I can do nothing but submitting myself to be all vulnerable to whatever is heading straight for me.

I've never harboured regrets in me for what's been done and asked. In fact, i'm willing to sustain the unsaid time period given, in return, any form of hope which i can indulge in would be much appreciated.

I've done everything i could ever give and all i ask is for a slight consideration which could bring me through every circumstances i have to face every single day....