I'll bring you back to the stars.

Just like what the title states. I could never drown myself to cherish any single happy moment as there're always blockade trying endlessly to ruin my sanctuary. Taking away every sweetness which i found to be rightfully mine. Nowonder i'm always feeling paranoid on things. To the extent where i'm actually more content with myself when things are not going so well knowing full heartedly that already i'm cursed with all these unfortunate gloomy experiences.

I'm starting to wonder if the quote i've carried with me all these while works. Well i'm certain it does for others as i've heard optimistic testimonials from them. The quote of not being entirely depress when things don't look so bright as in given time, with the world being fair and all, the days will look brighter if one would just be patient and give it a chance. In fact, it's an opportunity if you can actually see it in that way when things are fucked. No.. not to me.

On the other hand, i've finally landed a job.....again! Yeah i've been jumping now and then, trying to balance a decent lifestyle. It's like finally i'm back in the land of worries and responsibilities. The land of reality as most would say. No more jumping instead i'm trying really hard to juggle three jobs at a time. On a permanent basis i'm maintaining BAT's account, i'm writing freelance for a mag, and i'm helping out some friends in making their event a success. One word... CAN DIE! Oh well at least the last two i'm actually enjoying it, and the first is more of a necessity and probably due to the fact i don't mind doing it.

I like being responsible. I like being challenged by hurdles with high risk. I like occupying my time doing something worthwhile. I love the after feeling of getting a job then. I like psyching myself up on simple task. I love being entrusted with a particular job. I love rewarding myself occasionally. All in all i love being where i am now....... yet i don't love being me.

I'll always hide in the shadow of darkness where in the mean time i don find it the least bit disturbing but solitude and peace.

It's tiring, keeping up appearances. The only place that u can truly be yourself is when u walk the underground streets of your mind. It is there that u somehow rekindle a sense of wat u really r.how u truly feel.n a hope that someday this place would surface and unite every single one of us on the face of the earth.

- Little Bass -

does pressing the lift button like a raving idiot make it go faster? and if not why do people constantly do it?

Last night was not a typical night where i would just live it through just like any other night. No... not last night, not even on a close margin. Last night i shared on what i truly was as a person. Something which led me feeling relief yet troubled at the same time. I knew it was not the alcohol, because if it was then i would have spilled out ages ago on everyone.

No, it was different this time around. I shared not because i wanted attention, not even because it was buried in me for so long that it finally burst out in the open. I would not regard it as a set back or an issue, instead i believe in a really weird aspect that i'm who i am because of what has been churning in my head all these while.

It's difficult to rant to others as it may provoke others to feel uncomfortable or worst, pass judgment. As it is really controversial i thought i could keep it within forever and that i would never feel the least bit comfortable telling others. I shared because i knew there was loyalty. There was trust which was i wouldn't say sincere, but nevertheless sufficient.

Although there were times i hesitated on whether to rant, but i knew for a fact the chances i took were nothing short of reasonable. I felt comfortable and easy. There was never anything particularly special, no nothing of those sorts of complications instead it was easy... caring... comfortable... and of course relaxing. No one could ever give me the sense of comfort i felt which was why last night was different. The very essence of friendship was present which i can only pray it will never disappear, much less fade.

Till the day draws nigh, i'll remain a question mark.......

PassedOutBen came to my office to meet my editor for any prospective job positions

He walked in in his usual attire
Surrender T-shirt, Nike dunKs, jeans.
I know it seems very casual but it's a magazine, not a lawfirm
Let's put it this way, i'm wearing fuchsia socks to match my fuchsia bag today

Yes i have a bright 'Look at ME!' fuchsia bag.
AshleyTheMonkey detests it.

PassedOutBen comes out of EditorIan's room 10 minutes later.

"So how was it?" i asked.
"It was okay la, it was an interview about shoes wei!"
"Huh? Whaddaya mean?" uh-oh
"We were talking about shoes."

-_-

"You went for an interview... and you spoke about SHOES?!"
"Yeah man! He has Adidas' from Hong Kong and US even! I was like, omg that's the beST place to buy shoes from, man!"
"...."

Obviously nothing makes PassedOutBen happier then talking about shoes.
He continued rambling on about shoes as my expression grew more and more incredulous.

"... yeah then i noticed he has small feet..."
"You were looking at his feeT?!"
"Yeah we were looking at each other's shoes..."

Fantastic.
He comes to my office to look at my editor's shoes.

0_o

OH YEAH
BEFORE I FORGET

oops.
Didn't mean to shout..
Before i forget -

BEN BOUGHT NEW SHOES AGAIN

Some Nike St. Patrick's Day edition
Makes me think of Carlsberg, green and all
He was hugging his new shoes in the car the other day while telling me about his new babies
Please bear in mind they've already been worn
In fact, he TOOK THEM OFF in the car to hug them and remove their sweet-scented soles to show them to me

"See see, all special edition got these soles wan."

Wooo.

I pretended to fall asleep so when he turned to look at me
I looked like PassedOutFairy from boredom
Then he'd hit me going,
"Friend! Listennnn!!! FOCUSSS!!!"

Yes Ben, i'm listening i'm listening.
Why don't you listen to me first la -


STOP BUYING ANYMORE SHOES!!!