I'll bring you back to the stars.

Woke up this morning with some thoughts lingering in my head. It's a habit which has been with me since i took my holiday back in 2002... pondering on thoughts which may be mindless in the beginning but meaningful after evaluation. I've always uphold the believe of providing one a chance of being the person they are. Word of mouth has been an issue to most, even to myself, that some out there are a real bitch and they deserve nothing but the worst tragedy in life.

Not that i've not always taken their word for it. Yes i have. Come on, when a friend tells you that this or that person is a back stabber, con artist, fake, etc, who wouldn't take precautions and avoid. But you have to judge for yourself by going through the experience in getting to know more of the person than to simply believe other's experiences. If you can't digest the worst than yeah, it's better to be safe than sorry eh.

Yet again everyone deserves a second chance. Or a third for that matter. How would you know? You may be taken back by surprise that the certain bitch ain't that bad after all. That he/she has changed for the better. I had my fair share of friends who have gone around my back and betray my trust yet to common mutual friends I'll encourage them not to judge just yet. For they may be mean to me personally but not to others. And that's alright by me. I'm not perfect. I have my flaws which may offend some.

I can't say i've always been as true a friend to all out there and that i've not taken advantage of them. Lies were told, fakeness has been in the open and being a real pain at times. Comes with the age and probably the world has always lived in the concept of survival of the fittest. One thing's for sure that i've learnt is that listening is one of the most crucial practise in life. With listening you can learn so much where the sky's the limit.

To many i'm a person who loves to succumb to conversations. I love to talk. Partly cause i've never enjoyed the silence, cept maybe when i'm alone or with a someone who i hold dear within. Breaking the ice never proved to be a problem for me. But yea there are times where i would be swaying in my own world rendering thoughts to myself. Don't mind me then, i'm perfectly fine. I'm sure all has been in that situation where you would much preffer to be quiet than to convey.

At the same time listening would always take me further. Feeding off information from people can be useful. Especially when you're oblivious to certain facts. A good example for me would be getting a stable job. Alot has already lectured me on why am i not putting in the necessary effort in applying for one. Well i've no excuse than being a tad too lazy. Advices such as, how old are your already? people by the age of 23 has already owned their own car and house, parents shouldn't be providing you anymore, you should push harder Ben, especially now when u're young, etc. Don't get me wrong, i do listen and take it to heart, just that i'm enjoying my freedom too much to lift my lazy fat ass off the ground. And also not realising the reality of being responsible and mature.

Deep down inside i'm just a kid who just wants to go to the circus, or a fun fair for that matter. I wouldn't say i've fully waken up. But i'm trying my very best. That i'm sure and i hope people would give me the chance and not judge me as being a 25 year old useless fucker from hell. One thing's for certain is that i love responsibilities. I'm not sure why but i adore it. Gives me the sense of satisfaction when i can actually get things done. I detest being lost and not knowing what the fuck am i doing.

It's not easy giving people a 2nd chance. Hell i'm sellfish and i wouldn't wanna be disappointed at the fact that i've lost something by giving so much. Going through a bad experience at times may prove to be an enlightenment. Like the famous saying, you wouldn't know how it feels untill u've experienced it. With this comes risks which to me personally are worth taking. A friend once told me that he never regretted cheating on his girl. Without that fuck up he wouldn't have realised how much he actually loved her. With the 2nd chance he repaid in full.

One thing i can't stand are liars. I really really can't tolerate such characters. It makes me feel stupid and the fact that i'm already ain't that smart to start with it does contributes to the factor of hateful thoughts. Then again i've been lied to ample of times. Call me gullible but that's me. I trust people a little easier than most. Like i said, give people a chance. There's always a slight possibilty that they may change for the better.

I've fucked up alot of times, and being exposed wasn't exactly a good experience to go through. I've tried to make restitution but sometimes its just not enough. I just have to accept the consequences and move on. It hurts no doubt, but there's only so much i can do. For i'm nothing more than only human.

I've yet again to take a stroll down the back alley of my head. It scares the living hell out of me.

It's final! I'm starting work once again today. Wonder how long I would last this time around. I'm scared shit to say the least. Not surprising to some who knows me well. Sigh... Think 2 1000s, 1 600 and the trip which is worth everything...... HAI LAT!

. feeling a lot more lost than I ever was
. feeling bad for screwing up some of my bro's stuffs
. feeling paranoid over some things which I should never had indulged in
. feeling jealous about things which others could get and that I couldnt
. feeling a little more appreciative towards my parents
. feeling broke as I have to save bout 15k to get the things I want by end of this year

. missing my sister alot
. making amendments to ethics which I should have from the beginning
. quite lazy to layan cept for those who I hold dear within
. thankful to a certain someone for being there
. confuse over petty unnecessary issues which I know it's a waste of time
. not really as hyped up for beer as I was before

. ranting and bitching alot these days
. getting mood swings easily
. surprisingly loving my life though I'm feeling really lost
. in a state where I crave for more and more attention
. noticing and learning more about myself through this fren
. missing Melbourne

. thankful and I love you heaps!