I'll bring you back to the stars.

I've vowed never to indulge in shit like these since I've let myself to be part of the darker side of life. I know i've repeatedly stated that i detest such things to all that i've known. One fine day, that believe shattered by the very sense of temptation. Curiosity got the better of me.

Never was it an influence but that day I just had to know how it was, how it felt, and how great one could actually experience and taste the very foundation of satisfaction. All my life i knew no matter how much fun i'm having, the fella who is scattered at the corner not moving is still having 10 times the fun i'm having.

I finally succumbed to the need of feeling that specific kick everyone keeps emphasizing about. And how true it was that such a small substance could actually enhance the amount of fun i can have.

Not anymore, no more. I know i can be a hypocrite at times but who's not? and I believe that i've said it many times that it's going to be the last but there were always another last and final time. I'm sorry to those that i've burdened in taking care of me. It's truly heart warming that through the darkest experience I can gauge those who cares so much for me. Never judging, hating, and criticizing me for what i've done. I'm thankful to those that have been there.

So with this i promise not only to myself but to those who i love.......This will be the final last time. Never again.

Again it's over. Just one night which was worth everything ended in a blink of an eye. To see the masses showing up, strutting their style without a single care in the world always amazes the hell out of me. You can see it clearly wide in the open the ulterior meaning of such an event where problems and issues are cast aside to ensure enjoyment are at its fullest.

I'm not sure how everyone sees it but to me personally i see life. With such a limitation in time people were still willing to give it their all in self indulgence of fantasy. I saw it, the true meaning of excitement, the rushes of adrenaline in everyone, i saw the very thing which spells tranquility. And these are the times where i tend to reflect back through my thoughts on how i could apprehend the right to state that i was there, and that i've felt it.

There are many who are so concentrated in their daily routine where they wouldn't give themselves the chance to reminisce the times when they were genuinely happy. Pondering endlessly on pessimistic thoughts on how it should and could have been, what if, and what's not...basically an entirely ordeal of self inflicted pain. Given the opportunity of chance to choose I would certainly say that we're truly blessed. Nevertheless many are blinded by the very fact of complications.

Thins are never complicated when you choose to see it simple. Everything has a solution and it's entirely a personal choice to choose to take the simple straight forward route or not. Reveling has proven to be a big issue to most, where even i would admit that no matter how low and hurt you feel, ironically at the same time it does feel rather pleasant to be stuck in pain.

There was once i was at my lowest where i couldn't see or even think straight then. I had lost the ability to find the tiniest excuse to enjoy myself. Everything was really gloomy and dark, negativity clouded my thoughts and the coming of self improvement was but a blur in my eyes. But through effort and support from those who are friends i managed to pull and follow through. Doing what was required out of me to wake the fuck up.

I know to some i've not fully awaken yet and that's true. There is a certain spot of comfort in which i'm remaining quietly, secluded from the world, waiting and praying for the right time to get up and move. It's taxing but like others i'm still leaning on the feeling of dependency. I need this to remain sane, to be able to get on with my daily mundane life, and most of all to be a testimonial of example for others not to follow.

I envy those who are so close up there that the very smell of joyful happiness snorts up their mind. Perfection was never more than a fingertip away. I felt that....once in my entirely life. A sure bliss that'll always haunt me till this very day. I carry it with me not only through times of need, not only when it's required to be surfaced, but within me every single god damn day.

Till now i don't think i was destined to ever taste that enjoyment ever again. Not that i'm not being optimistic, but time and time again i've always managed to secure a tint of it. Nothing more nothing less and surprisingly it's enough to set a spark in my face. I would have expected more from how in the past i've experienced but i've been taught to make the fullest of the simpliest things in life. That through easy contentment comes low factors of depressions.

Listen carefully to the beats of pure ecstacy and who knows? You just may get thrown back from the amount of enjoyment you can experience. Life's never easy but who's to say it should be complex where everything have been cursed with a drawback. It has the tendency of flowing up and down. It is when u're at your lowest where you should be grateful that in given time things are bound to shine. Peaking way up there has its disadvantage as we've been made to experience fairness.



It is only through the darkness where I can truly sigh with contentment

The days have been prolonging for some time. Since i started work in Klang, life has been at a progressing level where i'm forced to face new experiences daily. It has it's ups and downs, nevertheless things are starting to be much clearer to me now. Who knows? I probably needed this to set myself straight. To be able to taste the very foundation of what is required out of me to be all that i'm capable of once again.

I've lost that urge to strive for anything that would blanket unhappiness and settled for nothing more than stagnancy of life. It's been too long. Over a year now that i've compromised my believes and followed the ways of things that are temporary. With hope, i thought then, i could obtain anything i wanted. With faith i believed that impossible is nothing to me. But with time, i finally realized how foolishness have been residing within me and that it's high time for myself to notice things with a much clearer perspective.

It's not much of living a lie, no i won't agree to that, instead it's a whole new different story where these feelings attack me. I'm contended with almost everything i have with me. My family, my friends, my mug, why i'm even contended with my job which can be a bitch most of the time. A friend who i met recently taught me something which surprisingly haven't crossed my mind before. Yeah probably i've practiced it, but havent really gotten the chance to really dwell into the meaning of it.

True, at times, you have to be cruel to be kind. I was offered not once but probably more, and i turned it down without giving much thought on how it may benefit me in the longer run. It's not an easy route, nevertheless it has proven to be one of the only course of action which cures. It's amazing how the other side of the world could teach me so much just by listening. So simple a thing like listening, i believe will always keep a person at his/her feet.

I've overlooked too many faults, bypassed ample bitter routes, and escaped lots of detours... till i think now it's the that time once again.... for me to stand firm while the wind is against me and the very ground is trembling, to not shake at the very sight of darkness while my vision begins to fail me.... to finally listen to myself with an open heart.

It's high time to return home.....